Step Down
by parkziion
Summary: Sam knows his brother would be better off without him, and now, he's standing on the railing of a bridge, high above the dark abyss below it. And he's ready to jump.
1. Chapter One - Jumper

**This is my first story! I'm sorry if it isn't all that good. And if it is somewhat depressing. This is a one-shot, there won't be a continuance of it. Again, I'm sorry if my writing is crappy. Enjoy! :D**

 **(Warning: Mentions of suicide and depression.)**

Sam stood on the railing of the bridge, looking down into what seemed to be just an abyss.

It was too dark, even with the lighting of the street lamps, to see the moving water far, far, beneath him.

He had never contemplated suicide. Sure, Sam knew he was depressed, he understood that ever since the day he lost the love of his life.

From that moment on he could never really redeem the feeling of being happy. But, this?

Standing on a bridge ready to jump down?

He had never thought of this. His phone vibrated in his pocket as more and more tears escaped his eyes. Dean was worried sick, he understood that. He hadn't bothered to leave his brother a note saying anything except;

I'm sorry, Dean. It wasn't until now that I realized how much pain Ive put you through. Ever since i was born all ive been is a burden to you, and Ive done alot. Ive pulled some crazy stupid shit and Im sorry. Goodbye, Dean. I love you...so much.

Sam

He realized it wasn't vague at all, his brother was smart enough to grasp the fact that Sam was doing this.

He tossed his phone to the ground, hearing it thump in the grass.

Sam closed his eyes, and moved one foot off the railing, ready to step forward.

"Are you gonna jump?"

Sam, startled, set his foot back on the railing, spinning his head to see where the voice had come from.

A woman, perhaps in her thirties, stood with her dog leash in her hand, a small pup by her feet.

"W-Who are you? Please just, leave me alone." Sam said as he regained his balance, not wanting this stranger to watch him plummet.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked, her voice filled with a curious tone, but, her eyes still showed concern.

"Does it matter?"

A sigh, she looks deep into Sam's eyes.

"Yes, it does. Im a good listener, tell me."

Sams eyes widened as his phone once again vibrated in the grass, and the woman took notice.

"That's my brother. But he's why Im doing this."

She tilted her head in confusion, "Did...did he hurt you?" She asked, seeing the pain in the man's eyes.

Sam let out a chuckle, "No. I did though. You see, my older brother, Dean, he's always taken care of me, through death, through it all. But Im not a good brother like him, Ive done...alot. So many things that I know arent forgivable. Its so much guilt, so much pain in seeing him get beaten down because of my actions. This is for him, so he wont have to get hurt anymore. Do you understand?" Sam said, his body trembling as he spoke.

He didnt want this woman to watch him fall. He didnt want to bring yet another person harm.

"You know, Ive got a little sister. And, she, being the stubborn little woman she is, always seems to be able to blame herself, and convey that to me all the time. But, even though she's made mistakes - choices, i wouldnt have agreed with. At the end of the day, shes my little sister. And i love her through all that pain we bring to one another."

The woman smiled at Sam, who seemed to be acknowledging every word she had said.

On the ground, Sam's phone vibrated once more, but, Sam was spaced out.

He was thinking about what the woman had said as he stared into the water below him.

While she saw him distracted, she lifted his phone, and answered.

"Sammy? Oh god, Sammy please. Dont do this, you could never be a burden on me, man."

The woman heard a voice riddled with fear on the line say.

"Is this Dean?" She asked, her voice low as she didnt want Sam to hear.

"Who...Who is this? Where's my brother?"

Dean asked.

"Im with him, he's standing on the railing of the bridge down on Washington Ave.. Im trying to talk him down, but I think you should come here. He thinks this would be a good thing because of how much he's put you through. I have to go before he sees me talking to you, goodbye for now. Hurry."

Dean tossed his phone into the passenger seat and sped up as he drove to his brother.

"Dammit, Sammy..." He said as he drove, the speedometer hitting 78mph.

After two red lights ran, and 3 stop signs he didnt bother to obey, Dean stopped the engine, pulling the keys from the ignition.

He ran out of the car, seeing his brothers figure high above the ground in the small bit of lighting there was.

He also saw the woman he had spoken to on the phone still talking to Sam.

"I need to do this, please-"

"Sammy?!"

Sam shook again as he heard his brothers voice growing closer.

"Dean?" He whispered to himself as tears still soaked his cheeks.

"Dean, please. Just...just leave, okay?" Sam said, looking back down at the darkness below him.

Dean released a small scoff,"Sam, no. Cmon man you cant leave me alone here. I cant do this without you."

Sam shook his head, not taking his eyes off of what was below him.

"You can barely do it with me. I mean, countless times,"

Sam said as he turned his head to look towards his brother.

"Countless times Ive screwed up. You know I have, Dean."

Dean was easing his way towards his brother, hands out in front of him.

"Sammy, none of that, none of it, is true. You need to see that, I need you to. Both of us have done some crap that set the other on their heels. But cmon Sam, after all of it, the end of the day, you're my brother; and that won't ever change."

Sam looked at his brother whose eyes seemed wide with concern.

Maybe he was wrong.

Maybe his brother did forgive him.

"Do-Do you forgive me?"

Dean's eyebrows scrunched close together, "For what, Sam?"

Sam looked down again as the pit in his stomach consumed him with sadness, confusion.

Fear.

"For everything. Do you forgive me for all of it?"

Dean nodded, "Of course I do Sam. Please, just come down from there, don't jump."

The woman watched from afar, seeing Dean console his brother.

She watched as Sam stepped down from the ledge, his body trembling as he did.

The two brothers, especially Dean, thanked her, to which she replied with a humble, You're welcome; a smile along with it.

The impala's engine turned off as Dean pulled the keys from the ignition as the parked outside the motel.

"You alright, Sammy?" He asked, still tense.

His brother nodded, a small grin on his face. "Yeah, Dean. I'm good."


	2. Chapter 2 - The Day After

Dean watched his brother turn in his bed, still asleep.  
By then, it was past noon, but Dean had no intention on waking Sam up.  
Readjusting his sitting position in the cheap motel chair, Dean set his eyes back on their dads journal. He wasn't looking for information about a hunt, no, not with what had happened last evening.

Dean was merely refreshing his memory on all things evil.  
He didn't necessarily need to, but, it was all he really could do until-

There was a sharp inhalation of air along with the ruffle of bed sheets.

Dean turned his head to see his brother Sitting up, pulling the covers off of himself.  
"Morning sleeping beauty. Or should I say afternoon." Dean said, a small grin appearing on his face.

Sam stretched his arms above him as he made his way to the bathroom, leaning in the doorway.  
"I'm gonna shower, maybe we could get something to eat?"  
Dean nodded, "Sure, Sammy."

The corners of Sam's mouth raised as he entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  
A sigh, and Dean once again turned his head back towards the journal as he heard the shower begin to run.

Walking out of the humid bathroom, now fully dressed, Sam set his towel on his bed.  
"Hey, Dean?"  
To his surprise, his brother was asleep on the small table, their fathers journal next to his head.  
Sam wondered how long he'd been in the shower as he lifted his phone from his bed to check the time.  
12:57

"An hour?" Sam whispered, not realizing how much time had flown by.  
Walking over to his brother, phone now tucked in his pocket, Sam began to think that his brother had probably not slept given the fact he was now passed out on the table.  
Sam set his hand on Deans shoulder and slowly shook him awake.  
Slowly opening his eyes, Dean made out his brother's figure standing in front of him.  
"How long was I out?" Dean asked, his eyes growing wide in concern.  
Sam sat in at the table in the chair across from his brother, "No more than an hour, I just got out of the shower."

Dean sat facing his brother now, a concerned look on his face.

A nod, followed by a sigh.

"Sammy, can we talk about what happened last night?" Dean asked, seeing his brother shift uncomfortably in his seat.  
Sam let out a breath of air, "It just got bad and I thought, well, I told you. And I figured I'd just, relieve you of myself and all the pain that comes with me."  
Dean couldn't help but chuckle. It wasn't a bitter laugh, no, he was just astounded at how wrong his brother was about himself.  
"Sam, you don't cause me any pain. I mean sure, you can be a pain in the ass, but have you met me?"

Sam didn't respond, he only looked down at the table.  
"Sam…what did you mean about it getting bad? W-What got bad?" Dean asked, hoping to get an answer from his brother, something to explain.

"Just, everything." He scoffed. "The guilt, all of it. The constant weight of..I don't know. Look, I won't do it again, Dean." Sam said, standing from the table.  
Another sigh, and Dean stood from the table. "How about something for lunch? Get ourselves out of this grungy room?" He suggested looking to his brother who nodded.

"Can I drive?" Sam asked, a grin on his face.  
Dean swung open the door to their motel room, "Let you drive my baby? Not a chance, Sammy. Not a chance."

With that, the two brothers made their way into the impala.  
Truth be told, despite anything his brother had said, Dean was still worried about Sam.  
Attempting to jump off a bridge wasn't something you just got over the next day.

Dean wasn't the praying type, but, he sure as hell prayed that his little brother didn't pull a stunt like that again, and that he told him if he felt like he would.  
Dean let a sigh out, this was just the start of something serious, and he needed to get Sam to open up.


	3. Chapter 3

The impala's engine settled as the keys were pulled from the ignition.

The two winchesters made their way into the diner and took their seats.

"Ah, so, Sammy. Plan on getting something green?"

Dean looked at his brother who, with a grin, gave him a look.

"Is that..."

His brother didn't break eye contact.

"Okaaaaay."

"Hello darlin's what can I get for ya?" A woman with a small notepad in hand and a uniform on asked.

"Um, well, I dont know about my brother here but I'll have a burger."

The woman nodded, scribbling Dean's order on the notepad.

"And how about you?"

Sam cleared his voice as he made a quick glance at the woman before setting his eyes back down on the table.

"I'll, uh. I'll take the same thing."

Sam said.

The woman nodded and walked off, tucking the notepad in the back of her jeans.

"Wow, Sammy. A burger? Really?" Dean questioned his little brother who kept his eyes glaring over Dean's shoulder.

Waving his hand in front of Sam's face, Dean looked behind himself.

Through a window straight ahead of Sam was a bridge for the highway.

Dean turned back to his brother, "Eyes on me Sammy."

Sam, his focus still set on the bridge, made not a sound, movement, nothing in response.

In attempt to reel his brother in from whatever was going through his head, Dean poked his brother on the nose.

He felt weird doing it but, regardless, it got Sam to stop eyeing potential death.

"The hell?" Sam said, a look on his face.

Shrugging, Dean looked into his brothers eyes.

"C'mon." Dean said, standing out from the booth.

"Switch, lets go." He continued as he leaned in to his brother and pulled him up by his arm.

Sam obeyed, knowing he couldn't worry his brother.

Dean sighed as he sat down once again, seeing his brother looking down at the table Dean and him rested their elbows upon, awaiting food.

"Sammy? I get that you're not in the mood, but" he scoffed, "man we need to talk about this."

Sam, connecting his eyes with his brothers, released a breath of air.

"I won't do it again, Dean."

—

Back at the motel room, Dean realized they'd run out of beer.

At the same time, he made the realization that his brother had stepped into the bathroom ten minutes ago, and still hadn't emerged.

Nor had any sound.

Panic surging through him, Dean made his way to the door, knocking twice on its surface.

"Sammy? You okay in there?"

—

"Sammy? You okay in there?"

Sam stood propped against the wall, silent.

Not a gun nor knife in hand.

Just thoughts roaming his mind, encapsulating him in a trance.

The door caved in.

Sam didn't look up, didn't jump at the loud sound, nor did he blink as his brother shook his entire frame by his shoulders, saying something - shouting, even - trying to get Sam's attention.

Despite how much he wanted to look up, say something, hell, even make a sound of vowels strung together forming no words at all, he couldn't break his tran-

"Sam!" Dean shouted as he swung his hand at Sam, slapping his cheek harder than anticipated.

Sam looked up, and, in a voice lacking emotion, he said:

"How do I deal, Dean? How do I cope? Ho-how do I-"

As Sam's voice trailed off and he spiraled into unconsciousness his brother caught his now limp body as it slid on the wall.

He didn't wake as Dean lay him on his bed. He didn't wake as Dean removed his boots from his feet and pulled covers over his body.

He didn't wake as his brother kept vigil next to his bed, awaiting his awakening.


	4. Chapter 4

It was when Sam shot up from his pillow with a piercing sharp breath that Dean jumped in his seat.

"Sammy?"

Sam turned his head to his brothers voice at the other side of the room.

"Woah, Sammy. You ok-"

Before another word could be said, Sam was already out of bed.

On his way to the bathroom door.

Dean would've let his brother carry on if it hadn't been only five hours after he had, well…come clean.

Sam wasn't okay.

Stumbling, sweat pasting his hair to his face, Sam made his way to the doorway of the bathroom.

It was at this time that Dean was already behind him, grabbing him by his shoulders that shook up and down.

"Sammy? You're starting to freak me out a bit"

Dean said, a light chuckle. It wasn't of pure laughter, just one to mask his dire concern.

Sam spun in his brothers arms, his eyes wide, tears peaking out of his eyelids.

"D'n-" A chill coursed through his body sending him downwards, yet only further into his brothers grip, keeping him upright.

"C'mon" Dean said as he guided his wayward brother to the bed he had just flown off of, sitting him on the edge of it.

"Dean I-" Sam's voice sounded worn, dry.

"Sammy, you've gotta talk to me." Dean said as he sat down next to Sam.

With a nod and a small bite on his lip, Sam let out a shaky breath.

It was with a nervous chuckle that Sam began.

"I..I guess I should start from the beginning."

Dean nodded, keeping silent.

"The night I…went up to the bridge..I thought you'd passed out. I left a note, which took several attempts given the fact that…well, you get it. That night something hit me and I kinda lost it. I got on that bridge thinking that no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't make it up to anybody, to you. I don't know why but anybody that I love dies and it's my fault and I-"

"Sam, it isn't-"

Sam let out a breath, "No, Dean…It is. Always has been. While you Dad and I hunted that demon that killed Mom, killed Jess, we were such idiots. Because..because"

Sam scoffed as tears fled his eyes, his gaze locking with Deans.

"Because I killed them. Not some demon. And lo and behold, Dad and you fall too. Since Jess I've…contemplated it."

There was no reason to clarify what it was Sam was on about.

Dean knew that his brother was broken after Jess.

He knew that there were hard days.

But he still struggled to keep his voice silenced as he heard his baby brother say he'd considered a bridge, a gun, a rope..

He'd considered it before.

Sam wiped off his face, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"After Dad…the guilt got to me. I know it hit you hard too, losing Dad. When we, uh..stayed at Bobby's I took a walk. On that walk I well.." A chuckle. "Lost my shit, for lack of better words. Let's just say I admired the view off an edge of a cliff for a duration of time longer than you'd like."

Dean couldn't help but curse at himself in his head.

He should've been there for his brother.

Sure, guilt got him too, but it's his job.

Looking back now, he realized he forgot that after Dad died.

"And then you died."

The motel room grew silent.

This would be more of a challenge to listen to.

"Given the fact that you just got a million times more tense, I take it Bobby kept his promise."

That got Dean's attention.

"Promise? What promise, Sammy?"

Afraid to look into his older brothers eyes, Sam took a deep breath and just…let go.

"After the first month, I still hadn't left Bobby's. I hadn't eaten in..probably a week maybe two. And I…I went to that cliff again."

Dean's heart dropped. His lungs seized to work.

"What I made Bobby promise was not to tell you that at 4am he had to talk me off it."

"The hell Sam? How could you keep that from me? How could Bobby?" Dean said standing, his voice filled with frustration, but not anger.

Never anger at something like this.

"It doesn't matter. You're back from Hell." Sam said standing from the bed, pacing the room.

"And what led me to the other night was that bridge. I saw it when we drove in. I don't know, Dean. I just snapped."

Dean nodded. His brother had given him the story.

Now Dean would give him this:

"Listen, Sam. You and me, we've done and said some shit to each other that took a while to bounce back from. But at the end of the day? You're still my pain in the ass little brother." Dean said with a grin.

"It gets tough. Believe me I know. I've never contemplated…that. But next time you do I'm gonna catch you. And we will work through what we need to. I know I say no chick-flick moments, but…uh… I love you, Sammy. That won't ever change so, hate to break it to you, but, you'll be stuck with me for a while. So what do ya say? Wanna take a drive up to Bobby's so I can kick his ass for keeping a secret like that from me?"

Sam chuckled.

"Alright." He said rubbing the back of his neck, a grin on his face.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."


End file.
